mazeofrelationships

The Beginnings (NSFW)

[Naoto was quickly realizing how terrible long-distance relationships were. Yosuke had gone off to college, and her own case load had increased, as well as everything that goes along with being a third-year at Yasogami. She was not getting much sleep, but she keeps telling herself that it was worth it. There's a professional reputation to build and maintain after all, and if she wanted to just be able to be an independent detective, it was going to take work.]

[However, that meant that she did not get to spend as much time as she would like with Yosuke. They had decided that at least weekly Skype sessions were a necessity with more than occasional texting and calling in between. Sometimes their time was spent with her walking him through some class work or another. Sometimes they'd talk about her cases, sometimes just... talk, but each time they signed off with 'I love you and I miss you', Naoto felt... empty.

If she were to truly admit to it, she was worried. Yosuke seemed so comfortable at college, blooming in a way she was so proud of, but... there was always the worry that they were growing apart, that the distance and their lives changing would crack what they had. Then again, there were moments in which she wondered if there was ever much to begin with, if they'd gone too far in their teenage hormonal moments, and he'd see the light and realize he'd rather have someone more like Rise-chan than her. It was... certainly a possibility.]

[All these thoughts are running through her mind as she keeps checking her laptop's clock and Skype list, waiting for him to sign on and say hi. Maybe this would be the day that would break it. Maybe not. But damn, she missed him.]

[As he stares into his computer screen, Yosuke realizes it's taking him far longer than it normally does to compose himself. He's sure it must be worrying Naoto, but he just can't bring himself to click 'Sign In' yet. If he signs in now, she'll see him like... well, like this, and he can't have that.]

[In a lot of ways, college has been wonderful for him. He's been flourishing in is classes (in no small part thanks to his amazing girlfriend's help), and it's been pretty enlightening to be out on his own for the first time. He's learned a lot, and not having Teddie living in his closet has also been a definite plus. He has friends, he's active socially - so what if they're not as close as his friends back in Inaba? He's not sure he'll ever be that close to any other group, and it's not like that's a bad thing.]

[He should be happy.]

[Should be.]

[Instead he lets out a sigh as he closes his eyes and tries again to collect himself. He's miserable. There's no way around it, he's completely and utterly miserable. He knew being away from Naoto would be bad, but he's severely underestimated just how rough things have become. She's out there doing hard work, and he can't even give her so much as an encouraging hug. He's worried constantly. What if something happens to her, or... what if she realizes she can do better? There's no telling when some dashing detective could swoop in - someone cool and suave, someone who always says the right things, someone who's all the things he isn't.]

[Even when he manages to put her out of his head (which isn't often), all that does is drive him into the other corner of his head. It's there that he's begun to second guess himself. Is this really where he should be? Is this really what he should be doing with his life?]

[Will it really satisfy him?]

[He can't wait any longer. She'll worry too much. With one last deep breath, he puts on his best smile and clicks 'Sign In'.]

[She's been staring at the same financial statement for the last ten minutes, lost in someone else's finances that should be clear, but for whatever reason were just not making any sense at all. The small noise that indicated that Yosuke had signed on made her almost fall out of her chair. Oh, good. He hadn't missed their time together. A tiny smile crossing her face, she forgoes their usual text-based hellos and just goes for the video call.]

[When the feed finally connects, he'll see that she looks... awful. Her hair is messed, hat nowhere to be seen at the moment, and she looks a bit tired behind her usual smile. However, as soon as she sees him, her smile brightens subconsciously. No matter what, no matter how she's feeling, just seeing him always makes her feel better.]

Hello, Yosuke.

Naoto! Hey, sorry I'm a little late. I lost track of the time.

[It's only a little lie, he reasons.]

Classes have been pretty busy over here. And I thought Junes was stressful, right? So-

[His small talk falters as he gets a good look at her - a good look. The differences are subtle, but then everything is subtle with her. A pang of guilt hits him like a truck. If he wasn't so wrapped up in his own problems, he would've noticed right away that she's not 100%. His smile slips into a look of concern - it's easier than a smile right now anyway - and his tone shifts instantly.]

Alright, what's wrong? You've been sleeping, right?

It's alright. I was wrapped up in someone else's finances anyway.

[Her expression settles into a comfortable smile as he starts talking about how he's been doing, interested and pleased that things seem to be going well. However, a bit of a guilty look passes over her face as he asks about how she is. There's no way she can lie to him, she doesn't like to anyway, and it's just wrong to do that to someone she loves as much as him.]

[Sighing deeply, she shakes her head.]

I have not had much time. Two murders in as many weeks, and a couple high-level embezzlement cases on top of a couple school projects. I will be fine, however. You needn't worry about me.

You're kidding, right?

[He tries to do his best Naoto impression, giving her the look he's affectionately dubbed 'The Lineface'. Coming from him it's likely funnier than it is effective, but even then he's pretty sure it'll get his point across.]

I'm not going to claim to be the best boyfriend in the world or anything, but I'm pretty sure that 'worrying about your girlfriend' is something I'm both allowed and expected to do. Now...

[He hesitates for just a moment. The words 'How can I help?' had been on his lips, but they slip away. How could he help? Even putting aside the distance, it's not his place to interfere with her detective work. Besides, it's just not for him... right?]

There has to be something to do. Your work's important, but if you let yourself get worn out it's not good for anybody.

[There's a tiny snortlaugh at his expression and a true smile before she just shrugs a bit. It's not like he's ever been that interested in what she does to help. Sure he helped the case in Inaba, and was damn good at that, but that was just because he was bored, right? He's probably got much better things to do now, and much more interesting ones than to stare for hours at someone's bank statements and phone calls.]

[She's lost in her own thoughts, chin in her hands, staring at nothing in particular as well as, to be honest, her own tiredness for a few minutes before she startles herself out of it and catches his eyes. Oops.]

I'll get good sleep tonight, I promise, Yosuke. Or, well, I'll try to.

[There's always the danger that her nightmares will crop up again, especially if she's tired. Watching your friends die to a shadow-hands curse doesn't do well on the subconscious, let alone being menaced by yourself wanting to give you a sex change.]

[He studies her for a moment, not sure what he's looking for but looking for something. An answer, maybe? She has it rough, and there has to be something he can do, something he can suggest, just... something!]

[Even so, he's not sure if it's desire to help or something else that makes him talk.]

You should come visit.

[The words are out before he even realizes he's said them, but once his brain registers that they're out there, he makes zero effort to take them back. No, instead he doubles down on the effort because it is quite possibly the best idea he's had in a while.]

It doesn't sound like you're doing anything that can't travel with you, and you always seem like you sleep well with me around! And...

[His expression falters some. While he's not ready to confess his second thoughts about college, he's more than ready to make a different confession.]

I really miss you. It's getting harder every day to focus on stuff other than how much I wish I were still there. Even if it's just for a day - hell, even if it's just for a few hours, I need to see you.

[She's obviously startled as his words tumble out, and she sits up straight, eyes widening. He'd want her there? If she were to be truly honest, she'd always worried that he didn't want his friends there to see her, but, she realized, there was utterly no basis for that. It was simply her own worries.]

[A million thoughts pass through her head, and she leans forward, minimizing the chat window for a moment as she starts to work on pulling up a train schedule. There has to be one soon, right? She'd leave this moment if Yakushiji-san wasn't asleep and could drive her. He wanted to see her, and gods know she needed to see him so badly.]

[Her own words come out in a rambly tumble, as she frantically tries to piece together train times.]

You... want me to come visit? I... I'd love to. In theory I do not have anything I must do for a few days. The embezzlement cases can come with me, the murders are fairly simple, and my school project can go hang. It's just Kashiwagi.

[She pauses, pulling up the Skype window again.]

What would you like me to bring? I, er, do have a few more feminine things if you would rather.

[It's the first time she's given voice to her worry that he'd be uncomfortable in public with her usual dress. Inaba is one thing. Everyone is used to her there. Anywhere else, however, well, that's different.]

[He's not sure whether to smile at her enthusiasm, or kick himself for not suggesting it sooner. He settles on laughter at her off-hand dismissal of Kashiwagi, because there's something amazing and adorable about Naoto brushing off a school project so easily.]

[Her question does give him pause for a moment.]

What I want you to bring? I mean, I didn't think you had anything special in mind, but you know what I like so-

[... a pause, and his face turns a bit red as realization sinks in.]

Oh! Oh, you meant like... everyday stuff. Right, that makes sense. Just bring whatever's most comfortable. It doesn't matter, I just want to see you.

[She had gone back to her perusal of the train schedule, doing some math quickly on a notepad to see which combination of trains would get her there the fastest (or, really if she should just drive her father's motorcycle the entire way.). However, she glances up, turning bright red as well at his words. She hadn't been thinking along those lines at this particular moment, but now that he's said it, the thought of having him won't leave her mind. It feels like it's been forever since they had indulged themselves in that particular activity, but, she tries to tell herself, it wasn't the time for that. What she really wanted was just to curl up in his arms and get a decent night's sleep for once.]

[Realizing that he is probably waiting for her to say something, she blushes a bit harder and nods.]

If you are certain. In that case, it will not take long for me to find some clothes for... [She pauses, a bit awkwardly.]

How long would you like me there for?

As long as you can stay? I mean, it's only a tiny apartment, so it might not be the most comfortable, but it's just the two of us, so...

[He's realizing that the more he talks, the more he just sounds completely desperate. Between the excitement of seeing her and the guilt of holding out on her, something has to give, and it won't be the excitement.]

[With a sigh, he lets his happy demeanor fall away, leaving the sadness he's tried so hard to hide.]

Look, I... haven't been totally honest with you. I've been having a pretty rough time here lately. This is just as much for me as it is for you, so I mean it when I say you can stay as long as you want.

[She was about to comment that, as he well knows, she does not take up much space when he goes on, giving words to his actual emotions. Her eyes widen and her entire demeanor changes, showing concern, and just a bit of guilt. How could she have been so blind and missed all of the signs? Looking back, she could see it, the tiny hints of malaise, the tiny longing looks that he'd given her. She's a detective, damnit, what good are her observational skills in the real world if she can't even see that the person she loves is hurting?]

[It's only a moment before she finds her voice, worried and a bit snappish at herself. It's her fault, really, she should have seen it, she should have done something about it, but no. As usual, she's terrible at people when it somehow involves herself.]

Yosuke! Why didn't you tell me? I could have found a way to help. I... I'll stay as long as I can, alright? Even if it's a week or more.

[Yasogami can go hang for all she cares right now. She could probably take the year-end tests right this moment and pass them well enough.]

[He's been an idiot.]

[It's nothing new, but it's the first time he's really felt it in a while. Of all his recent decisions, it's obvious the absolute worst one he made was trying to hide what was going on from her. He manages a small smile - a genuine one at that - because despite feeling like a dumb idiot, he can also feel how lucky he is to have her care about him that much.]

It's not like I have a good excuse... I just convinced myself my bad decision was actually a really good one.

I'm really sorry.

[With that out of his system, he feels a little more like his regular self. Maybe that's why he adds on-]

You sure you're okay staying that long? What if I get greedy and decide to keep you?

[She smiles a tiny bit herself. Now that is more like the Yosuke she loves. For every bad decision he makes, though, she knows there are three good ones that he's not thinking of. Proposing she come visit is definitely one of his better ones lately. There's still a tiny hint of guilt in her face and voice when she speaks, however.]

I'm sorry that I did not realize it. I have been a bit caught up in my own issues lately.

[She pauses, and blushes rather deeply at that. There's something intoxicating about just... running off and telling everything to go fuck itself. She can be a detective in the city just as well as she can from Inaba, and then she wouldn't have to be so lonely.]

[Swallowing, she just smiles.]

Only a few more months, Yosuke, and I'll be done with Yasogami. As... amazing as just staying sounds right now, I really should finish what I started.

You don't have anything to apologize for. It's fine.

[He can see her almost consider it for the briefest of seconds, and he can't particularly blame her. It's something he's thought about himself, just running away from it all. In truth it's almost more practical for him. Almost. But even if he were to do that, he'd just end up leeching off of her. The thought of mooching off of Naoto isn't an appealing one - he needs to be able to contribute something.]

[Still... it's nice to see her think about it.]

Come on, I know I have to wait. It's nice to dream, though.

... actually, if you're coming, I should probably clean up. Just because you know I live in a junk pile doesn't mean you should have to see it.

[She nods, distracted for a moment by train schedules, still wishing in a way that she could just... disappear with him, and hide in the Estate for months. But really neither of them would be happy with that in the end. They're both people who need action.]

[Finally, she pulls out a credit card and enters a number to get a ticket to download on her phone. There.]

You do not need to, Yosuke, but if it will make you feel better, I won't necessarily turn you down. I have a train to catch in about an hour, and then it will be a bit before I get there. I'll text you on the train.

[She smiles, and in a rare moment of silly fondness, blows him a kiss.]

I love you, Yosuke, and I'll see you soon, alright?

As much as I love to hear that, I still think I'll tidy up. If I don't I'll just lose my mind waiting.

[His heart skips a beat as she blows him a kiss - one he's all too happy to catch.]

Love you too! This should hold me over until later.

[He ends the call feeling happier than he has in a long while, which is good because he absolutely hates cleaning. Time passes like a blur, and before he knows it he's out of busywork. Knowing focusing on any sort of studying is a lost cause, he instead opts to just wait at the station early. With his headphones on and phone in hand, he fidgets on his bench with excitement.]

[In a rush, Naoto throws clothes and sundries in her suitcase, a splattering of different things, including a rare skirt outfit that Rise foisted on her the last time she'd taken her shopping and, without thinking, a stuffed Sukuna-Hikona that Kanji had made for her years ago. She glances at her laptop and pile of file folders, and ends up leaving most of the folders, but taking the laptop. Embezzlement can wait, but murders have survivors that deserve at least some of her time.]

[The train ride was restless at first, as she stared out the window, tired, and lost in thoughts of nothing in particular. However, after a train switch, she pulls out one of the folders and starts to take notes on her laptop, much to the disgust of her seatmate. Ignoring their pointed sniffs, she notices a small footprint she had not seen before, and sends off a couple e-mails from her phone to the detective in charge of the case. Excellent.]

[Not too long later, the train is pulling into the station, and, after collecting her luggage and getting off, she walks directly towards him, grinning, and trying not to just... run at him.]

[It's not like he's been checking his phone every two minutes. It's not like he's been using the songs to keep track of time. It's certainly not like he's practically been bouncing, or that his heart has been fluttering nonstop.]

[He's also a very bad liar. When she finally comes into view he practically leaps to his feet, moving towards her at the fastest speed he can that's not a run, because if he lets himself run he'll try to pick her up and spin her, and while he could do that pretty easily he's fairly sure the added luggage makes it a terrible idea.]

[So instead, once he's there he wastes no time in leaning down and giving her a deep kiss, right then and there. Because dammit, he's missed her and he's waited long enough. When he finally gives her room to breathe, he's smiling bright.]

I'm not even a little sorry.

[As soon as he leans down to kiss her, she wraps her arms around him, dropping her suitcase at his feet, and returns the kiss enthusiastically. While they kiss, he can almost certainly feel her relax into his arms, almost melting into his touch. It's been too long, and just having him there makes absolutely everything better. Her hand reaches up and tangles in his hair, just holding him close for a while.]

[When he finally pulls back, she's breathless, but she's grinning, and her eyes are sparkling. She's obviously much happier than she has been in quite a while.]

You shouldn't be. It's been too long.

[Before she can object, he bends down to pick up her luggage, then starts heading towards his tiny apartment.]

I know it's already getting a little late, but this plays stays pretty busy night so we have a few options. We can drop this stuff off and then go get a bite to eat, or we can just stay in and relax.

[Either way, he figures they'll get to the heart of the matter pretty fast. As great as it feels to see her - to really see and get to hold her - he knows he'll feel even better about the whole thing once they've had the chance to really talk. Likewise, once he sees what he can do about her stress, he won't need to worry about her so much. It's a win for everybody, and then they can just be together.]

[Maybe she'll even let him cut a class or two?]

[She follows, but reaches over to take his hand as they walk. In this particular moment, she needs his touch to just... know he's there. Shrugging a bit, she just smiles.]

Either works for me. I, er, haven't really eaten in a while, so I could probably use something to eat. What's good around here? [She glances around.]

Anything you want. I'll get us dinner.

[And then, she falls silent, just walking by him, lost in her own thoughts. She probably should have realized how much better she'd feel just being with him. A long, comfortable sigh escapes her lips, and she squeezes his hand. At this moment in time, she'd let him skip anything if it meant she could have more time with him.]

[Huh. He hadn't expected her to offer to get anything, just like that. In truth, he hadn't really thought about dinner at all, or anything past giving her that first kiss. He's so absorbed in figuring it out he barely even notices her hand linking with his.]

Well, this is our first date together in a long time, so I guess we should go fancy? But you'll be here for a while, so maybe not too fancy right away.

[Hmm...]

Maybe we can find a nice cafe? It's not the sort of place I'd go by myself, but...

[Oh hey he's holding her hand! That's convenient - he gives it a squeeze.]

It might be nice with you.

The Beginnings

Step One: Some Months Later

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